It has been on my heart for a while now, and I really felt God ask me to write last wk, but it some how never got done. For one I am not sure how to say what I am feeling, and it always scares me to put my heart out there. I have always protected my heart, and guarded it very closely over the years. Life moves on, and I am growing, changing, allowing God to work in areas of my heart that I have kept even from Him. Although I would have told you God has complete control of my life. It really would not have been true. And I would not have really known that most of the time.
For years I have struggled with trust. Some of the closest people to me, and some very close friends, hurt me. My trust in people was shattered. I could share up to a point, and then that was it. Even so I talked. A lot! I often controlled the conversations. Lulls of silence bugged me, I felt insecure, I didn’t know where the conversation would go. So I would talk to fill the void. I find it hard to listen to others. And I am not proud of that fact. It is something I am working on, with God’s help. And it is one reason I had been silent so long, with few scattered posts in the past couple of years.
In many ways I felt like my faith was shaken. I was struggling in trusting God. The One person I should be able to tell everything to, I could not open up my heart and pour it out to Him. The one who cares the most!! And this is an area I am still growing in, and find hard too often.
I fought depression most of the years I was battling lyme. It was very hard to be positive and think straight when my body was in such a mess. There were times it would be better for a while, but then it always went down again. And my spiritual life followed the ups and downs. Many times I thought I should just have faith, power through it. It’s just in the mind. I know I can overcome this. And I could for a while, but it too never lasted.
It was like so many of the different things I tried in my journey to finding healing and gaining my health back. The different things would work for a while, but always, it would never get to the core issue.
So spiritually and physically, my life would go up and down, up and down. It was so wearying!! It would drain me. Many times it was like a yo-yo, I would feel like I was learning and growing spiritually, and I would think ‘Yes, this time I finally passed the test.’ But then my physical body would crash. I would have no energy, and I couldn’t do the things a ‘normal’ mom should be able to do. And I would begin to feel discouraged and attacked again. And it does not help me in one bit to have my house falling apart around me. When things are a super mess and dirty, oh, it fairly drives me nuts!!! There is a certain level of mess that is ok, and needs to be ok when you have littles. But when the mess is taking over the house, I can get really grumpy!! (Just being honest here.)
Then there would be times my energy would be coming back up, and I would feel good. I felt like spending time with God. I had energy to pursue a relationship, and so I would and life would be good for a while. Then my body would crash again. It was like I would go around and around and around again!!! One way or the other it would hinge on each other. How I longed for stability. For a less mountainous road. Oh, I don’t mind hills, and curves and such. But when it is hairpin turns and craggy, rocky peaks with sharp drop-offs, – that was so hard to ride through in life.
So then enter a pregnancy, in Feb. ’13. Just imagine all the wild hormones then… My life was literally upside down. I did NOT know how I was gonna handle a baby when it took all of me to be mom to the 3 boys I already had. My hearts cry was that God would show me what I was to do!! Everything I had been currently doing to try to gain healing in my body was brought to a screeching halt. And frankly I was scared of the next 2 yrs!!
For this pregnancy we went to a different midwife. In our talking she fast realized I often felt depressed. And she had me take a questionnaire thing to see just how depressed I was. Let’s just say she was not impressed, I was even surprised at how bad my results were. So she kept a close eye on me. Since she didn’t really know my health history, she didn’t understand all I was going through or all I had went through. But she did an awesome job of being there for us and helping us work through some fears. And now looking back I realize there were many times my brain just felt too tired, and too fried, I couldn’t think straight or reason properly. Many times I just didn’t care. And yes, there were times I felt suicidal. My brain-fog was worse than I even realized at the time.
And then God brought Plexus into our lives. How I wanted to have the hope that this would be the answer. That this could be the means God wanted to use to bring order back into my body. Was I scared? Yes, I was!! How many things had I tried? How many things had we prayed over? So many times we felt God had lead us. And then we would wonder why my body would crash again. We don’t regret most of our ‘chases’, as we feel God would allow them to work for a while. And I wasn’t just letting my body go down hill for however long. I was active in seeking health, and each thing would help. It just was never enough. But Plexus, was it really different? I was not interested in another MLM. I had been a part of a couple such things and didn’t wanna do it again. But God wouldn’t let it rest. And we felt a peace to try it.
Little did I know just how much my (our) lives would be changed. Allowing my body to heal from the inside out, allowing my hormones to rest, recharge and heal, allowing my pain ridden body to relax, allowing my foggy brain to once again think clearly… oh the list could go on.
The biggest, and greatest thing I thank God for is my clear mind!! I no longer get overwhelmed so easily. I can roll with the punches of life. (Just ask my hubby.) Those steep mountains and sharp corners no longer throw me off track so bad. (I just get thrown to the curb, not over the side every time!) I am feeling God’s love and care like I never have before. I am s.l.o.w.l.y. learning to trust Him and other friends. I feel so much hope on the horizon. Like with God’s help I am finally emerging from the shell that used to be me. And I am learning to BE a new me.
Has Plexus changed our life and ‘fixed’ everything? No!! A million times NO!! Plexus is not some magic drink to be our savior!! We live in a fallen world. Our bodies are not perfect. The foods we eat are not the same foods they ate a hundred + years ago. We live in an incredibly toxic world. It’s full of disease and imperfections. We cannot, nor should we expect some little thing to be our ‘magic’ potion that heals us. Should we trust Jesus to heal us? Yes, I believe God uses many different ways to bring healing. Could God have healed me without Plexus? Yes, I believe He could have. Is there anything wrong with taking a product that helps a body deal with the fallen nature of man? I don’t think so. God asked us to take care of our temples. I am thankful He choose to restore mine as He has. And I’m thankful He is not done. My body is still healing, it has not been an overnight fix. I still have hip pain, I still have some skin rash issues, I still have tired days. I still find I feel better eating little to no gluten. And we still still greatly limit our sugar. I still feel strongly about eating a clean diet. I like organic, but it is more costly, so we do what we can. But I am just thankful to feel so much better, for the energy to teach my boys, spending time with them, doing fun things. (Who doesn’t have tired days? And with a 13 mth old who still has really rough nights… I would be dragging more than my tail by now before Plexus.
I like to think of Plexus as a tool. A tool to help your body, as you heal and restore where your body has failed, is over worked and worn down. You can’t take a good probiotic and keep eating tons of sugar and processed foods and expect to see results. You just can’t. You are what you eat, no matter what supplements you may be taking to counter act that. You can’t expect the Slim to control the blood sugar levels if you keep pumping in the sugars all day. It’s all common sense.
So that’s my heart. Or a chunk of it. I am still amazed at where I have been & where we have come… And it’s exciting to look ahead and wonder where God will take us! I no longer fear what the future holds, or have fear I won’t have energy to be with my family, or fear I will be taken from them long before my time.
I am thankful I serve an awesome God, who cares about me and loves me, more than I can ever understand!!!!