I’m Still Here…

I don’t know how many posts I’ve started, how many posts I’ve written in my head… Or how many times I’ve sat down to update my site, and just didn’t know what to say. And I really still feel like I’m at a loss to know what to say… how to express the thoughts and feelings in my heart.

So I don’t know when this will even get posted… as I have NOT been feeling very good either. My days are very much hour by hour. I don’t plan anything ahead, or do much of anything. I can barely go shopping, only being able to go in one store before wearing out. So I have been staying close to home and not going anywhere or doing much.

And no, it is not easy doing this again. It all reminds me too much of a year ago… I am back to the point of not wanting to drive myself anywhere. It takes too much brain power and work to drive.

It’s hard to admit I can’t do the things I was enjoying only a few months ago. I think it’s harder to feel good for a while, then crash. Then to just half feel good, and live knowing you can’t do as much. Once you accept it, it’s not so hard. But going up and down, it’s a constant struggle.

(Does that make sense?) See that’s why I have not been posting much… it’s just too taxing on my brain. It come’s out wrong… And on top of that, God has been doing a deep work in my heart. I don’t know how much I should share here, so I won’t say a whole lot. Just keep praying for me, us, as we work through lots of things. As we allow God to clean up hurts, fears, unforgiveness…

It’s amazing to see God’s hand at work, to feel His presence like I never have before. And to know Him in ways I have only dreamed about!! I am still learning to let God control, letting Him mold me into His image. (This is actually a large part of the reason I have been so quiet on here. Maybe one day I will share more…)

And right now we are looking into a new road for my lyme treatment. For those who have been following my blog, you know I went to FL for 3 wks for cleanses. I know they did so much for me. My body was able to handle the die-off. But in Aug. I crashed and I have not really bounced out of that slump.

We are guessing that at that point, the toxins had built up so much my body was not able to handle it anymore. And that is the reason I have not able to feel better, but for a few days at a time. I have been taking more ginger sweat baths then ever before. They offer only a temporary relief, sometimes for only a few hours, other times it will last a day or two. But it really helps me to sleep soundly!!

I have really felt like the chiro care I’ve been getting has not been doing as much for me either… and it came to me the other night, it may be because of the build up of toxins. The adjustments just don’t do for me what they used to.

As we have struggled with knowing what to do, praying about it, studying, talking with others… We are still not sure how things will all work out. But for right now, this is our  tentative plans…

My mom found a lyme Dr. a half hour away, so we are going to see him the beginning of Dec. A friend really feels like now is the time for me to get aggressive in killing Lyme, as in get on antibiotics. So we will see what the Lyme Dr. says and go from there.

We are also making tenative plans for returning to FL. for more cleanses. Hopefully in Jan/Feb. again. Seems so hard to believe it’s been almost a year ago that I was down there. I’m thinking if I do cleanses, my body will be much better equip to handle the die-off/herx reactions to the antibiotics. I know it helped me so much before. And this time I would not have to be there for 3 wks. I am hoping only 10 days or so.

But ultimately God is in control!! He knows the outcome of this all… and my fears of the unknown. I dread getting sick, and right before Christmas. But I know too, to get better I will probably get worse for a while. We don’t know how this will all work out, but God worked it all out before, He can do it again, if He so wills!!

Thanks to those who care, who let us know, who pray for us, it means so much!! Sometimes I feel like I am alone, drifting through these rough waters without others really understanding what all we are going through. I know many of you don’t know, but it helps just knowing you care. And I love my lyme buddies.

And thanks too, to those who help out. I am the type who does not ask for help very quickly!! Probably pride, but it’s hard to admit defeat, to admit I can’t do it. These verses took on new meaning in the past week… in 2 ways, physically and spiritually…

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” ~2 Corinthians 12:9-10 {ESV}

 

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3 Responses to I’m Still Here…

  1. Anna says:

    Hey, You know I’m praying!! Hopefully your new route will help you feel better again! I can’t imagine what you go through 😦 Hang in there!!

  2. Brenda says:

    I really don’t know what you’re going thru, Lois. And I feel so bad for you that you have to deal with this all! But know that I pray for you and your family everyday and I think of you often. I hope you can find the help you need and can get to feeling better again.

  3. Pingback: Lyme Life… | Tenderherb's Blog

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