Ever since I have read about this in a book, it has been going round and round in my head and I can’t stop thinking about it. Which is a good thing. And I decided to try and share it here. I hope I can explain it so you can understand without me having to write the whole chapter of the book. ha
We all have goals in life, things we want to do, places we want to go, personal growth we want to see happen, and the list goes on and on. But some times our best and most well laid plans for our goals are not in harmony with God’s plans and goals. Probably what has most gripped me in reading this chapter was the example he gave, and I’m just gonna rewrite it here, so you can, hopefully, understand what I am saying…
Suppose a wife and mother says, ‘My goal in life is to have a loving, harmonious, happy Christian family.’ Who can block that goal? Every person in her family can block that goal – not only CAN, they WILL! A homemaker clinging to the belief that her sense of worth is dependent on her family will crash and burn every time her husband or children fail to live up to her image of family harmony. She could become a very angry and controlling woman or a defeated victim of life’s circumstances. Either option could drive family members farther away from her and from each other.
For so long I was there… When my health crashed and I was no longer able to be the Mom in my dreams, accomplishing my ‘goals’ in life. I got depressed as well as feeling like a victim. It was not pretty.
‘When you base your future success on something that can never happen, you have an impossible, hopeless goal. Your depression is a signal that your goal, no matter how spiritual or noble, may never be reached. We can be depressed for biochemical reasons, but if there is no physical cause, then depression is often rooted in a sense of hopelessness or helplessness.
“Depression often signals that you are desperately clinging to a goal you have little or no chance of achieving, and that is not a healthy goal.”
Since I shared the Mother example, I’ll stay with that, but it really can be applied to any area of your life. But suppose my sense of worth depended on how my children turn out. If they start choosing independence from what I had planned for them, what does that do to me? I will start to manipulate and control them. Instead of remembering that parenting is an 18 yr long process of letting go. ‘The fruit of the spirit is self-control, not child control.’
People who control others believe their sense of worth is dependent on other people and circumstances. It is a false belief, shown by the fact that the most insecure people you will ever meet at the manipulators and controllers.
So what has spoken so strongly to me, is this…. If God wants something done, or has a goal for my life, nothing will block the fulfillment of that goal!! God will not assign me goals that I can not achieve! I have needed to distinguish the difference of a godly goal from a godly desire.
A godly goal is any specific orientation that reflects God’s purpose for your life and is not dependent on people or circumstances beyond your ability or right to control.
I have found so much freedom and a new JOY in life as I have let go of my expectations and goals of others. And have sought God’s goals for my life. My days are no longer a struggle, stressful challenge to get through. As I give each day to God, and let Him lead and direct ME, I can be who He wants me to be. Not who I am trying to make myself out to be, or trying to make my family be, by coming in line with my goals, causing strife and discord.
‘Trials and tribulations can actually be the catalyst for achieving God’s goal for our lives, which is our sanctification.’
My one and only goal is to become the wife, mother, & Child of God that God wants me to be!! I want to allow difficulties to refine my goal of being the woman God wants me to be!! Every thing else has to come through God’s filter. If it doesn’t happen, I am learning not to stress about it. My days are sweeter, easier and joyful. And no, I have not ‘arrived’!! It is still a daily laying it down as I learn.
Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have it’s perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:2-4
*Excerpts from ‘Victory Over the Darkness’ by Neil Anderson