I mean, others tell you they see changes, see growth, see progress. And it is so encouraging! But when you are the parent it is hard to see your child’s growth and changes. You are in the nitty-gritty of life, teaching, correcting, building up, and so many times it seems like there are more steps backwards than forward!!
I have known I did not have the heart of my oldest son, age 10. And it hurt. It was for more than one reason. One beings my health was poor for so long, many others stepped into my role as ‘mom’. It hurt to see him go to others the way he should be going to me, but there wasn’t much I could do. And then, my heart wasn’t right towards him either. I had so much pain, hurt, and fears. I really didn’t know how to train him, or keep and guide his heart.
But for the past few months, I have seen slow progress, changes, that made me really hope his heart was turning towards me.
Today, God showed me just how much his heart has turned towards me. I know he can feel my love in ways he never did before and he wanted to show me his love!! I literally got choked up when he came in with his gift for me. Seeing his brilliant smile, his heart full of love for me – his MOM!!!
The 4 boys went with Grandma to a Grand Opening for a bulk food store half hr away. I sure enjoyed my time alone, and got lots done! But I was happy to see then come home again. I didn’t notice what Collin had done, just seen him walking back out of the flowerbed. Then about the time he walked in the door, I seen a new, HUGE hanging pot of flowers on the flower pole in the flowerbed.
He quickly asked, ‘Mom, did you see what I got you?’ ‘Yeah’, I answered. ‘They are really pretty!! And it’s so big!!’ ‘Mom, I didn’t get you a birthday gift, (which was back in April), so I told Grandma I’m getting you these!! It only cost $39.99!!’ ‘Oh’, I said in surprise! ‘Maybe you should go get your money to pay Grandma back then.’ To which he happily went to retrieve the cash.
She was surprised when he handed her the money. But I knew it was what he wanted to do!! When he came back in the door, he was beaming again. I looked at him, and he came towards me. ‘Collin’, I said, ‘you don’t know how happy you just made me!!! I love those flowers and I LOVE you!!’ He gave me a big hug, melting into me.
And the tears just flow now. I am so blessed. God knows just when we need these ‘God Hugs’!! The encouragement to keep going, we are doing the right thing. No matter how hard it is, no matter how much opposition we get from the devil. God IS working in my boy’s hearts!! And I am so blessed and humbled that He has entrusted me with 4 boys to raise & guide into Godly men. It is not of me, but God working through me. I could never do it without Him or without my wonderful husband who is doing an awesome job raising them too.